Feeling torn about a situation or next step? Used to asking for a lot of opinions, doing tons of research, and making giant pro/con lists?
Learn my #1 tool for making fast, aligned decisions!
Tune in to discover:
What gets in the way of making easy, powerful decisions
The number ONE question to ask yourself
How to distinguish between your intuition and fear
And what to expect when you trust your intuition and move forward despite your fear
Click the play button below to listen!
Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to episode three of The Joy Coach Podcast.
Today we're talking about how to make easy, fast, and aligned decisions.
I'll be sharing what gets in the way of this, my number one tool for making these decisions, and then also how to tell the difference between intuition and fear. I'll give you some examples of what both sound and feel like so you can get really good at deciphering between the two. Key life skill and key business skill right there.
Okay, let's dive in. So first, I have to admit, as a former overachiever overthinker, I really struggled with making decisions myself. I just want you to know that I know what it feels like to be in that position of going back and forth, asking everyone and their mother for advice on what you should do, going down research rabbit holes, making these kind of lengthy pro con lists, and ultimately just spending so much time and energy trying to make the right decision.
And part of this stems from a few key misbeliefs that I really struggled with. The first one is that there's even a right decision that exists.
That's a lot of pressure to put on yourself, and it just feels like the stakes are so high, and when the stakes are high like that, when there is only one right decision, there's no room for error. There's no room for learning or pivoting or experimenting. But the truth is there are often multiple routes you can go.
So even if you make a decision and you don't love how it's playing out for you, you can often reroute and choose again.
I want you to keep this in mind as we move through this episode. Before we even get into the decision-making tool itself, I just want to preface all of it by inviting you to take that pressure off. Give yourself some wiggle room with decision-making in general. And if you're used to operating how I was, just know that this will probably feel a little weird at first.
Give yourself that permission to make mistakes, to not get everything perfect the first time, and just play a little bit in this gray area, versus only thinking in terms of right and wrong decisions. It'll probably feel pretty weird and that's okay.
We're just gonna roll with it. So lean in. We just wanna get familiar with this concept. And know that you can pivot when needed. Let's help everything feel a little bit lighter, especially within the context of your business, mistakes and pivots are often how we learn the most. They are so necessary for our growth.
You might've heard that quote before about how people's success is built upon a pile of failures. And in my experience, that is so true. The people who have experienced the most success, the clients who have built the seven and eight figure businesses have also, “failed the most,” but really it's just learned the most.
So even that reframe from failures into lessons is so helpful to keep in mind. Even in your personal life, making mistakes is human. And I would even go so far as to say that if you're not making any mistakes, you are likely playing things way too safe.
So let's start here. Let's take that pressure off as we dive in. This whole episode about making easy and aligned decisions. Let's just take the “right” decision off the table altogether.
The second practice I want to highlight before we dive in is being aware of and getting in the habit of not looking outside of yourself for guidance. Of course, it can be helpful to get advice from and learn from other people who've walked a similar path, especially if they've created outcomes that you want to create for yourself too.
But at the end of the day, you know yourself better than anyone. While you can seek out other people's opinions, you ultimately want to run any advice you receive through your own filter, and make sure it lands right for you. At the end of the day, it's your life, right? It's your business. You gotta do you.
So if you're someone who's used to asking for a lot of opinions or doing a lot of research, making those giant pro/con lists, this is the part where I challenge you to try a new approach where you turn inward. I promise you it gets easier the more you practice.
And the simple question I'm about to ask you is going to make it so easy for you to start practicing right away.
So without further ado, let me share it with you.
When you're torn about a situation or a next step, I want you to ask yourself this one question: “Am I talking myself into it, or am I talking myself out of it?”
Let's practice right now. Think of a decision you've been wanting to make. Bring it to mind, and then ask yourself: “Am I talking myself into this? Or am I talking myself out of this?”
Now, here's the key. If you find that you're talking yourself into it, it's most likely a no. It is simply your mind trying to convince you that it makes sense, despite an underlying gut feeling that this isn't really something you want to do. So it's what we would call a “should.”
If you're talking yourself out of it, it most likely is a yes. Deep down, it's something you want to do, but your mind just might be a little bit freaked out about leaning in. That doesn't mean that, you know, it's wrong. It's just natural to have that human response when we're expanding, when we're going outside of our comfort zone.
But at its core, it's still a heartfelt desire. You still feel a pull towards it. You're just trying to talk yourself out of it sometimes with very compelling logic.
Again, if you're talking yourself into it, it's a no. If you're talking yourself out of it, it's a yes. In essence, what we're able to distinguish between here is your mind versus your intuition.
With decisions that require you to again, expand outside of your comfort zone, your mind will often show up with this voice of fear.
So fear, what does that look like? What does that feel and sound like? Well, it'll usually be pretty charged. It will feel anxious. It will feel unsettled. Kind of have that like grasp-y, convincing energy, like it really wants to be heard and it will be attached.It will be very attached to the outcome. It will often sound rushed, and it will probably be pretty loud.
Now conversely, your intuition will feel neutral. It will be the opposite. It will feel unattached. It will present as more matter of fact, and it's often kind of this gentle wisdom dropping in. So if you're not used to tuning into it, it can even show up like a little whisper first. Like, “Hey, what about this? Hey, here's what you really want.” It can be so subtle that it's easy to miss, especially when compared side by side with the voice of fear.
And here's the tricky part: sometimes our intuition tells us things that we're not ready to hear, or things that are really actually pretty hard to process or take next steps on. So it kind of drops in these truth bombs super casually, and our minds are like, “Wait, you want me to do what now?!”
I'll give you a few examples. Sometimes our intuition will tell us to walk away from things. That could sound like:
“It's time to leave that relationship.”
“It's time to pivot in your business.”
“Hey, this offer, it no longer feels right.”
“It's time to create something new.”
On the other hand, sometimes your intuition will tell you to move towards something like:
“Hey, it's time to start that podcast.”
“You're meant to speak on stage.”
“You are going to write a book.”
“Go pitch yourself for that opportunity.”
Again, it's neutral. It's kind of just like, “Hey, here's the information.”
And even though we might know deep down that it's true, that it resonates, it doesn't mean it's comfortable, right?
It's like your intuition is nudging you to step away from something or nudging you towards something, but that will still require you taking an uncomfortable next step.
Just know that your mind resisting it is totally normal. It will seem easier to just keep doing things as you have and ignore the information. And as much as you can, I encourage you not to ignore the information, not to ignore your intuition, because here's what will happen if you do: your intuition will get louder, and the longer you ignore it, the more that you resist it, the more uncomfortable you and the situation that you're in will become.
Speaking from experience here, because really when you're nudged towards something or away from something, that's happening for a reason. Your intuition will never lead you astray. It's happening because you're growing. You've outgrown a situation. You're meant to step into a new one. This kind of evolution is inevitable.
And if we don't act on our own accord, eventually we will be forced to, right? So we see this in relationships. We see people stay in them long past their expiration dates, and then they just become more and more miserable until eventually the relationship sort of self destructs.
We also see this in businesses when people hold on to doing things in old ways that no longer resonate with them or with their audience, and then their income dips to the point where eventually they have to pivot and try something else.
And we see this a lot when people put off a soul calling or project for years, and it just becomes more and more uncomfortable over time. Like eventually it becomes more painful to not pursue it and to not go for it and reach their full potential than it is to just try. It's honestly pretty depressing to feel the weight of something inside of you that you know is meant to be shared and not let it out.
That is actually how I felt about creating this podcast. I'd been wanting to do it for years, and at some point my desire to do it finally just outweighed my fear of trying something new and potentially “failing.”
So those are just a few examples, but the point is that the sooner you trust your intuition, the sooner you lean into any of that initial discomfort that's there, the sooner you will feel that sense of freedom and aliveness. That's on the other side. It's like true life energy rushes in when you do those things, when you follow through.
It honestly feels like a big reward for taking that next step when you're actually moving towards what you're destined to do, and who you're destined to be.
At the same time, you know, you're human. This takes practice, and again, there have been many times where my intuition has told me something and I've just chosen to initially ignore it because I wasn't ready to face the truth.
Our minds are so smart and know exactly how to convince us to stay in place. Your mind is perfectly orchestrated to know exactly what to tell you, specifically to keep you from taking new and different and “scary” action.
So the logic that comes up, it might just feel very fair. It might make sense to you, and you're like, “Yeah, yeah, I definitely shouldn't do that thing that my intuition just suggested.”
Just be on the lookout for that. Be aware of it. And honestly, don't beat yourself up if you realize, especially in hindsight, “Oh, my intuition was telling me this. I just didn't act on it before.”
It's okay if you do that. It's a learning process, and you'll start to see over time. It's like the sooner that you lean in, the easier your life flows, and then the more that you experience that, the more motivating that will be on both ends.
The sooner you lean in and feel more ease, you'll be like, “Oh, this actually feels really great. I'm so glad I trusted my intuition.” And conversely, on the other side, the more you experience the discomfort that comes with not leaning in right away, that will also be motivating to lean in sooner. All of it will act as further motivation to act on this inner knowing.
And remember, when in doubt, come back to this key question. It really is as simple as: “Am I talking myself into this, or am I talking myself out of this?”
That will guide you.
Okay, there you have it: my number one tool for making fast aligned decisions.
Next week we have a very special episode dropping: my first ever guest interview with Gla Darling, who is an author, speaker, and someone who's personally been a huge inspiration to me in the self-help space for over a decade.
Gala and I recorded an interview where we talk all about how to become your most authentically expressed self.
Trust me when I say you do not want to miss this episode!
Have a great week.
Tune in next Monday and we will share all about how you can embody more of your true self: your brilliant, radiant, most joyful, and magnetic self – both online and out in the world.
I'll talk to you then!
