How often have you started talking about something you’re really giddy about, only to shut down those feelings almost instantly with a quick phrase like “...but I don’t want to get my hopes up!”?
You stop that buzzy energy right in its tracks before it can truly take hold of you, and (worst case scenario) disappoint you.
It’s easy to halt dreaming out of fear of getting “ahead of yourself,” jinxing things, or feeling extra hurt if they don’t work out as planned. You can trick yourself into thinking that if you’re not invested, you'll care less about how things unfold.
But is that true? How many times have you tried to convince yourself that you don’t care, only to feel super bummed when you don’t make it to the next round of interviews, or things fizzle with the person you’ve been seeing (and were totally into)?
There’s a better way: high involvement, and low attachment.
Being highly involved requires you to lean more fully into your vision...and often, your joy. Which is great news, because feeling joyful is your natural state. It is. And the more joy you let yourself experience, the more likely you are to attract positive things into your life.
Here’s why: when you’re embodying that feel-good energy, it’s powerful — and palpable. Other people absolutely notice it, which makes you a more appealing job candidate or romantic interest (using the two examples I mentioned earlier). Most importantly, you notice it. It’s empowering and freaking energizing! You get a hit of that Wonder Woman, I-can-do-anything high that propels you into action.
I’ll never forget seeing a job posting for a team I’d admired from afar and dreamt about joining. I saw it on my phone and wasn’t near a computer, but I had so much adrenaline that I grabbed a notebook out of my bag and hand-wrote a cover letter in 5-minutes. It was a moment of pure inspiration. As soon as I got back to my desk, I typed it up and off it went! Boom! Done. Easy.
There’d been plenty of job applications that I’d toiled over and interviews that I’d stressed over prior to that. I’d also done a really good job of “not getting my hopes up” and “putting things out of mind” until I heard back.
Not this one. I was too excited, and for some reason, I decided to roll with it. And you know what? I didn’t get the job…but I didn’t regret being excited. In fact, I stayed excited. I stayed alert. I kept my eyes peeled for future postings. I stayed highly involved, and I kept moving forward without attachment to things working out on my specific timeline. I liked how it’d felt to actually care and simultaneously release control about the specifics of my desired outcome. I was tired of playing it cool, and I was willing to try something else.
The next time there was an opening, I let that enthusiasm course through me fully — and shine through on the interviews I ended up doing. This time, I got the job.
Now, it’s your turn: where in your life are you holding back and suppressing joy?
Is there something you really do care about — something that deep down you know you reaaaaally want — but you’ve been stuck in a cycle of playing it cool?
If so, I invite you to do an experiment:
1) Play with low attachment: Spend at least 10 minutes letting yourself dream about your desired outcome. Pick somewhere peaceful and private. Be sure to focus on how you’re feeling rather than the specific details of who, what, where, and (especially) how.
2) Let yourself feel good: As any positive feelings come forward, welcome them and remind yourself that it's safe to feel them. In fact, you’re ultimately bringing yourself closer to what you want.
3) Stay highly involved: With these feelings in mind, ask yourself: what is one small step I can take today to keep moving towards what I want?
I have a feeling you’re going to be pleasantly surprised by what can happen when you dare to dream!
To your (unrestricted) joy,
