Changes in friendships are some of the most challenging experiences my clients face. Growing in different directions from certain people in your life is natural and inevitable, but that doesn’t mean it’s a walk in the park. For a lot of the women I work with, friend breakups are even more painful than romantic breakups.
Unlike romantic relationships, where you enter with a sense of exploration and seeing if you’re a fit for one another, you don’t anticipate friendships ever coming to an end. You meet someone, connect with them, and it doesn’t cross your mind that the friendship may be short-term.
Women in particular tend to develop deep emotional bonds with one another quickly, and when dynamics change with someone you once considered a confidante, you can feel raw, exposed, vulnerable, betrayed — a whole spectrum of negative emotions.
A lot of my clients going through a friend breakup wonder what they did wrong, or (even worse) if there is something wrong with them.
[If any of that is going through your mind right now, let me reassure you: there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.]
I was recently a guest on a podcast where we talked all about “mean girls” and how to handle friend breakups.
Below is a 3-step process I recommend to anyone going through this right now. It’s a healthy way to release your emotions and find closure without needing to involve the other person.
If you’re feeling all the feels right now, and could use some TLC to help you move on, I highly recommend trying out the 3 steps below:
STEP 1: MAKE A DATE WITH YOURSELF
First, set aside a block of uninterrupted time where you can cry freely somewhere private. You can make it cozy by playing soft, relaxing music or lighting a candle.
Pro tip: You won’t want to do this process right before you have to go somewhere — you’ll want enough time to collect yourself and relax when you’re done. You may even want to take a refreshing shower after and picture any leftover feelings rinsing down the drain.
You also don’t want to rush this process! Give yourself plenty of time — more than you think you’ll need. The whole point is to let your emotions run through you and get out of your system.
STEP 2: WRITE A LETTER TO THEM
Once you’ve sat down in your private space, write a letter to your former friend by finishing the sentences below. You don’t have to share this letter with them — this is for you and for your own healing. This is a chance to close out of the relationship on your end, so you can move on and open yourself up to new friendships coming into your life.
Dear _____,
It’s time to say goodbye to you because:
From you (and the time we spent together), I learned:
Thank you for:
STEP 3: WRITE A LETTER TO YOURSELF
Finish by writing a letter to yourself and pouring on the self-love by completing the sentences below:
I’m proud of myself for:
I’m a good friend because:
I know I’ll be okay because:
I’m going to take care of myself by:
Even if things didn’t work out with this particular friend, remember: there is nothing wrong with you.
You might be hurting right now, but you will be okay. I promise.
There are people out there who will love and appreciate you exactly for who you are, and you are making room for these people to enter your life right now.
In the mean time, the best thing you can do is show up as the amazing, supportive person you are…for yourself!
Treat yourself like you’d treat your very best friend.
Pour on the love and be patient with yourself as you process any and all emotions.
Deep breaths. You got this.
Sending a big hug your way,
