One of the hardest parts about living in a world with social media is getting access to everyone else's highlight reels.
It's sooo easy to fall into a trap of comparing yourself to other people online.
This can quickly spiral out into a full-blown compare-and-despair session, and before you know it you're knee deep in someone else's Instagram feed and feeling jealous and triggered AF.
Theodor Roosevelt described comparison as "the thief of joy."
So, as your resident Joy Coach, it's only natural that I have a remedy on deck to help you work through it ;)
First, I recommend normalizing the experience. Judging yourself for feeling jealous is only going to make you feel worse.
Comparison has come up at least once with every single client I've coached over the last 7 years. And it's one of the biggest joy zappers, time wasters, and energy sucks of all. All the more reason to squelch it as soon as you notice it happening!
Once you've caught yourself feeling jealous, and have given yourself permission to feel that way, the next step is understanding what's actually happening internally.
There are two main thought trains going on simultaneously, that include some version of the sentences below:
They have something I want
It's not available to me
Consciously or not, these are the two conflicting beliefs that create the feeling of jealousy.
Here's how to work through them:
Step one: recognize you have a desire that's being highlighted. When you can see this is what's happening, you can use the moment of comparison to support yourself vs. feel crappy. You can ask yourself questions like, "What do they have that I want?" and then get clarity around desires you might not have even had awareness of previously.
(This can honestly be enlightening! Sometimes what we think we want is actually quite different from what we really want deep down...but that's an email for another day!)
Once you've gotten some clarity around what it is that you want, move on to the second thought train and explore your beliefs around how that desire isn't available to you.
For this one, I love to question the scenario and your current thinking from all angles: Is that really true? How do I know? How is it possible that it could be available to me, too? Can I see this other person as proof of what's possible? How might they actually be leading the way for me?
And: how would I feel about this person and their situation if I already had that thing I want?
Comparison is rooted in a lack mentality. When you can pull back and shift out of that, and feel what's possible for you, any jealousy will naturally dissipate.
Being willing to slow down and self-reflect in this way, any time you start feeling envious of someone else, is the fast track out of comparison mode.
When you go through this process, you get to walk away with new clarity, dissolve some of your own blocks to the very thing you want, move yourself closer to it, and enjoy the rest of your day infinitely more.
Cheers to that,
Megan
P.S. Doors to The Joyful CEO are OPEN!
This is my 3-month mastermind for coaches looking to take the pressure off themselves, create boatloads of mental, emotional and energetic space, and feel more lit up by their days — inside & outside of work — without sacrificing any of their success.
(And yes, we will be dissolving joy zappers like comparison in the process!)
